As an incurably impulsive and emotional person, do you know what I find to be more and more depressing? The number of phrases that now begin with, "Think before you..."
I remember fondly when "Think before you speak" and "Think before you act" were so impressed upon me. Two rules: simple. Did I follow them? No. But they're easy enough to keep up with. Today I find the door flung open and wide fields of possibility are available to me, like never before, primed for the reaping of regrets. I will soon become a glutton because of the word mountains that need eating.
No, today I am endlessly reaching for life's 'undo' button, because I must think before I:
speak
act
text
send
post
tag
comment
delete
tweet
speak
speak
speak
reply
It's exhausting and does not do well for the self esteem. Am I really conducting arguments and/or mediating situations over text messaging? After I let that blow my mind, I must face not only that reality, but recognize the incredible speed in which I found myself manipulating text messaging to my arguing advantage because I feel I can hurt most effectively with written words. It is too tempting to be able to fire off a message to someone from the comfort of your couch, and it is too convenient to be able to delete it immediately thereafter. The delete button offers the tantalizing illusion that it never existed, never happened. (I also find that stuffing my phone under the nearest pillow or furniture to be quite effective.) I have written overly emotional messages over Facebook; I have lashed out in text messages and yelled in e-mails; I've deleted numbers and blogged for hours, all in the name of revenge. I wish I had never discovered this electronic avenue of remorseful behavior.
I can barely keep up with my tongue - how can I keep up with my text? When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. Proverbs 10:19 The availability to speak with any one at any given time in the day has taken away the sacred art of silence. Talk is cheaper than ever (unless you pay for the full data plan) but the words still cut and damage and drain.
In other news, my car battery has died and I (with the help of my dear boyfriend's jumper cables, and my dear boyfriend) have had to jump my car seven times in the past 48 hours. I've decided to support local businesses with my next battery purchase, a decision WalMart conveniently helped me with by not stocking the battery I need at either location in Abilene. To end on a most positive note, I have become a tigress in the kitchen: Sunday I invented a chicken dish that went over superbly with an audience of two; Sunday night I invented pork chops that turned out quite fine for being my first go round with the chop; and today I wowed everyone (read: dinner for two) with my taco night, complete with toasted flour tortillas AND Taco Bell refried beans, which I always forget to include.
You should all also know that I wrote this blog to divert myself from sending a nasty text that I would surely regret, and you should celebrate my progress in due fashion.
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