Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Stoopid Love

Let love be your guide.

You know the story that says don't pray for patience and then be surprised when frustrating things happen in your life?  Well, don't blog about love being your guide without expecting some goons to pop up and make things interesting.  From the ever-so-helpful Walmart employee who drew me a map and pictures to help explain to me how cell phones worked ("You see these bars like this I'm drawing?  If you don't have these on ya screen ya won't have service.  One bar means not too good, five bars, that's good") after some troubles with my SIM card (loooong story), to the students who saw me makeupless this weekend and feel the need to tell me how much I look like a drowned cat without mascara (Miss, I saw your twin this weekend!  -Oh really?- Yeah, there was this crazy lady runnin' around with a baby and no makeup on at Pigskin Preview.  Hope I don't see her again... -Shut up, Kody), I am definitely working on the 'clothing myself in love' thing this week. 

Oh, and remember how I felt stupid while I was pregnant? 

I would kill for the pregnant brain again.

It's like when Knox vacated his spot in my body, he took with him 30% of my brain capacity.  This crucial percentage was somehow linked to and/or responsible for time management, social ability, memory, and speech.  I know this because all of those things are shot.  And you know what's the worst?  Every woman with kids telling me it'll "never come back". 

[Pause for effect]

Are you kidding me?

Like really.  You must be joking.  I'm stupid for life now?  Unacceptable.

Take for instance the most recent thing I wrote in Knox's baby book.  In pen.

August 26, 2011 (Friday)
On Wednesday Saturday you turned ONE MONTH OLD (4 weeks at least) ... Lovie has stayed with us this week because it's been our first week back at work.  We are so blessed!  You have two lovely grandmothers, Knox ... You are smiling so much now and you are continually getting stronger and gaining weight.  Your 6 weeks dr appointment is next week and I'm excited to learn your weight.

That last sentence is completely false, but the thought of crossing something else out made me laugh too hard and I just shut the book for the night.  Knox had no dr. appointment.  I had a doctor appointment.  (Incidentally, I was not so excited to learn my weight.)

But I guess 3/10 of my brainpower is a worthy trade for this guy and his smiles.

And in case you're wondering, I'm not so stupid yet to have forgotten that "more bars = better service".  (But maybe I look it???)