122 Teenagers and Me

On some days, it's hard to be a high school teacher.

There's a few reasons for this.

The first reason is the one that comes from my frustrations, my inadequacies, the 'bad Christie' side of my brain.  And the reason is this:  it's really, really hard to be the most mature person in the room all day, every day.  Especially when one's 'co-workers' are hormonal, foul-mouthed, and tired teenagers.  (It doesn't help that by nature I am three of those four things as well.)  Some days it's really hard to stick up for the student the others are bad-mouthing, because everything they might say is true.  Some days it's really hard not to point out the correlation between their awful behavior and their insecurities.  Some days it's easier to take my frustrations out on them, like they do to me.  Some days it's challenging not to reciprocate the sarcasm.  (And some days I fail.)  It's hard to be a high school teacher on those days.

But the second is that I love hormonal, foul-mouthed, and tired people.  And the fact that the ones I work with every day are teenagers makes it hard to show that love.  When bad news just bursts out of their mouths because they need to tell someone, I can't hug them like I would my own baby when he was crying.  When they tell me they've never gotten anything they really wanted for Christmas, I can't buy them an Xbox, a car, or more time with their parents.  Some class periods I cannot give enough attention to all the kids who so desperately need and want it from me and I feel like a person being pulled from all sides.  When I see them hurting, some days I wish I was teaching kindergarten, not high school, and then I could hug them and hold them and wipe their tears.  It's hard to be a high school teacher on those days. 

The past few months have been the kind during which I felt a disconnect between what I knew was true (I am grateful for my job) and what I felt was true (but I am going to lose my mind if I have to go to first period for one more day).  Thank God (seriously, I'm thanking God here - I've been in prayer about this) I have finished the school days for the past few weeks with an attitude of satisfaction.  I can really feel my whole attitude has changed - my joy has been restored here.

Hopefully my incredibly honest post has not offended you, and if you have children in school, I'm sure your teachers are never thinking these things about your child.

Christmas Card Reject

I'd include Koby's and my rejected photos, but they fall on the 'unfortunate' side of rejected, rather than adorable.

Stolen Identity

Okay, I'll accept it: pregnancy and childbirth changes a woman.

I always promised myself I'd never be one of those moms; you know, the puffy-haired blonde ones with dark brown roots three inches long and bad haircuts, wearing mom jeans complete with the mommy-pooch of the stomach, looking harried and harassed with dark under-eye circles and a hoarse voice.

I told myself this, but I am realizing that these (we?) women venture out in public looking so for a reason.  It has come to my attention that pregnancy/motherhood has indeed taken its toll on my physique and appearance, and what's more, it is startlingly obvious to others.  I know this namely because of the interactions happening during times when it is required that I present my driver's license for identification purposes.

Here is my driver's license.  (Yes, I added a gratuitous inch to my height when I was 16 and filling out the paperwork.)  I look tan and happy because I've just returned from my Jamaican honeymoon.  I've been told it's a good picture.  So, gathering what I know about this picture (it's good), I can venture to say that I no longer look like this (good) because people literally do not believe that it is me.

When I was coming home from Helen's wedding in October, the man at the airline gate looked at my picture, then at my face, then at my picture (rinse, lather, repeat) for an uncomfortably long time before asking me for additional identification.  I promised him that it was me, but he didn't seem convinced.  I became a little panicky: it seemed like this could rapidly become a situation like one out of a 'stolen identity' movie and in those moments I saw myself battling police, FBI agents, and Russian spies, "I AM Christie Andrews!!"

Granted, I did look like this:

 Eventually, he believed me and I began what would be a much-delayed trip back to Texas.  Since that day, similar situations have occurred.  Today, in Walmart, I was trying to buy a bottle of wine in the self-checkout line when the lady came to check my I.D.  The same dance ensued: she glanced at my photo, took a long, hard look at me, and then, frowning slightly, looked back at my picture.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  What?!

I mean, alright, I'm a little bit pale.  Night after night of interrupted sleep hasn't done wonders for my skin and I've got a few pounds to lose... and a trip to the hairdresser could be in order, but I AM Christie Andrews!!  Of course, it may have been harder to tell because I wasn't exactly smiling at the law-abiding WalMart employee. 

This is probably a more accurate depiction.  Maybe in some small way I should take it as a compliment?  Maybe parenthood has, in actuality, made me look like a 20 year old, still young and desperate enough to use a fake ID in WalMart to procure a three dollar bottle of merlot...  In any case, I'm willing to keep this new identity, occupational hazards notwithstanding.



 In other news, Christmastime is in full swing in the Andrews home.  In between chores today I'm wrapping gifts (not one of my talents, but I enjoy it all the same.  I like to think my juvenile skills inject some childlike wonder back into the holidays) and watching Love Actually on repeat.  And hanging Knox's new stocking!

Turns out it's not edible.

I haven't forgotten about my practice of simplicity - through some struggles with frustration, impatience, and self-doubt (see paragraphs on mommy jeans above) I'm learning to depend on God's daily provision.  Don't pray to be changed without expecting the opportunities. 

Simplicity has so much to do with joy - the kind that isn't situational.  A focus on this discipline fit so well within the month of giving thanks, and it was additionally enriched by the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, a present from my mother-in-law.  Simplicity and thanksgiving walk hand-in-hand: I'd highly recommend this book, even if you believe you don't have a single speck of beauty in your life.  Or maybe especially then.

Right now I'm thankful for the 16 pound baby sleeping on my left arm and in my lap, though he's making it very difficult to type.  'Til next time...

Thanksgiving and Basketball

I'm not feeling very creative, introspective, or witty lately, so here are some pictures of my beautiful family sans commentary.

Slacking...

Quick mash up of the past few weeks (in no particular order):

The Wolves football season came to an end in Lubbock (1st round of playoffs), Koby started coaching girl's basketball, I had the curious feeling of being both grateful for and incredibly annoyed with my job simultaneously, I visited Grandmother in Lubbock, I discovered and cooked an excellent mac and cheese recipe that I have since lost, Landry came to visit, Elizabeth came to visit, PawPaw and Lovie came to visit, Knox helped me make some Thanksgiving cards, I began to decorate for Xmas (Koby isn't thrilled), Koby got a buck, YouTube taught me how to knit and I made a very terrible first scarf, Knox celebrated four months of life and decided he likes to reach for things and immediately put them into his mouth, I finally saw the last Harry Potter movie, and now Koby, Knox and I are visiting Lovie, PawPaw and Aunt Liz for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving pictures from Gram and Pop's to come, also, we go to Abilene to see Poppa and watch Auntie M play some basketball. Then to Fort Worth for a wedding. THEN back to school. Whew!

Simplicity

Um, first let me say that the books I'm reading on simplicity are excellent: I highly recommend them.

Freedom of Simplicity: Finding Harmony in a Complex World by Richard J Foster
Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J Foster

Like, they're the kind of books in which highlighting and underlining is useless - you start,and then a few pages later you realized you've 'emphasized' every sentence but one in each paragraph. 

I'll try and simplify (heh) the many thoughts I've gathered from the first few chapters and share them with you.  Please don't read my thoughts as didactic - I'm not trying to preach, but this simplicity thing is complex and a lot of Foster's ideas struck me.  Simplicity as a discipline deals with much more than material objects, but in our society, objects easily become idols and so the author discusses materialism more than once.  (This is good for the girl who has been repeatedly roped into spending more money online to achieve the tantalizing offers of 'free shipping'... it really does seem like a better deal...)

So, here's what I jotted down (by jotted I mean typed into my iPhone's notes) after reading the chapter on simplicity in Celebration and Chapter 1 in Freedom:

1.  Keep first things first -or- Don't put the cart before the horse.  Seeking God has to be the primary endeavor, or else simplicity ceases to be a gift/discipline of the spirit and instead becomes a means to an end, whatever end that might be.  Simplicity isn't a substitute; you can live simply without being godly, but you can't be godly without living simply (not to be confused with asceticism).  The first thing that came to my mind as Foster was drilling this point was that an end result of 'saving money' might drive one to live simply, but then money-fixation is a prison, and true, spiritual simplicity is freeoom.  Of course, if one does live simply one will save money, but saving money can't be the ultimate goal if you're trying to practice simplicity as a discipline.  (Saving money isn't bad, we're even called to be good stewards of all we've been given, but after reading a few chapters I'm already redefining my ideas about stewardship.  Somehow I think I've neglected to consider giving and sharing as an integral part of stewardship.)  Even important, good things like witnessing and yeah, simplicity, can't take the front seat.  To sum up, Foster simply quotes the passage that reads 'Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these other things will be added unto you as well".  Basically, as long as you're putting that first, anything and everything else will be in its proper place.

2.  Acknowledge the disconnect.  While we're on the subject of things being in their proper place, things need  to be in their proper place.  Here's where we get in to the material stuff.  Foster says early in his simplicity chaper in Celebration that 'we really must understand that the lust for affluence in contemporary society is psychotic'.  Woah.  He even uses that word again (in literature we'd deduce that his reiteration of the word was purposeful, like a finger jabbing you repeatedly in the chest) and says, 'It is psychotic because it has completely lost touch with reality'.  Having things isn't wrong, buying things isn't wrong.  Seeking God first will lead you to a place where you can practice simplicity and receive it as a gift from God - you'll begin to buy things on a 'need' basis, with pure motives, considering others.  You'll be 'reorient[ed] ... so that possessions can be genuinely enjoyed without destroying [you]... receiv[ing] the provision of God as a gift that is not [yours] to keep and can be freely shared with others.' 

3.  Simplicity is two-fold.  In Freedom, Foster gets crazy-deep on the reader.  To the point where I was having to re-read sentences.  This is where he began calling simplicity both a gift and a discipline.  Simplicity as a discipline puts you in a place where God can bless you with the gift of simplicity.  (Cue - nod and say 'ahhhhh' with me.)  Simplicity is a freedom - that's the gift.  It's freedom from anxiety and fear when we acknowledge 'what we have we receive as a gift, and what we have is to be cared for by God, and what we have is available to others'.  That's what Foster says, anyway.  In my mind, to be simple (the gift) is to take Paul seriously in Phillipians when he says 'Rejoice in the LORD always, again I say, Rejoice!'  If I'm rejoicing, they're isn't room for legalism, asceticism, or materialism.  To be simple is to understand and daily remember God's truth.  It's not losing sight of our reality in Christ.  When I remember that, I can enjoy what I have and won't be scared to share what I have with others.

So, simplicity has to be an outward practice as well, just as faith (inward) without deeds (outward) is dead.  Of course, we already talked about how the true spiritual discipline of simplicity has to have the seed of inner God-willing.  I realized this as a college student when I was practicing this - in my blog in 2006 (no, you cannot read it, I was a very silly girl at the time) I wrote

In my flawed study of simplicity over the past few weeks, I have learned for myself that true simplicity comes from inner transformation.  I am a competitor at heart, and I think this is why I fail so many times when trying to change myself.  When in the habit of breaking habits, it is impossible to 'win' by merely trying to beat down your desire.  It's less about self-control in an outward manner.  Instead, you must learn to change your desire.

Seeking God will prompt you to ask yourself 'why am I buying this?' before you buy something.  It will prompt you to throw off anything to which you might be a slave.  It will free you from the worried thoughts of, "Do I have enough?  Do I have too much?"  And thus, you are receiving the gift of His peaceful simplicity.

Foster talks a great deal about legalism, and hesitates to offer examples of how one might begin to practice it.  I'm glad he does though, because they're eye-opening and helpful.  (Though I totally get his hesitation - as a CoC girl, where it's my opinion that we struggle with legalism, I jump at the idea of 'instructions'.  Yes, I love rules.  We die by the letter, we live by grace!  I have to keep repeating that to myself.)  Foster gives some challenges (ten) for the simplicity practicer... he hits pretty hard on materialism and addictions.  Alright, I'll stop talking about them and share them with you.

• Buy things for their usefulness rather than their status.
• Reject anything that is producing an addiction in you.
• Develop a habit of giving things away.
• Refuse to be propagandized by the custodians of modern gadgetry.
• Learn to enjoy things without owning them
• Develop a deeper appreciation for the creation.
• Look with a healthy skepticism at all 'buy now, pay later' schemes.
• Obey Jesus' instruction about plain, honest speech.
• Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others.
• Shun anything that distracts you from seeking first the kingdom of God.

I'd love it if anyone would like to share their thoughts and experiences with this subject. It's something I struggle with - let me just say that a few of those 'suggestions' Foster offered hit some sore spots.  I'll continue to share my thoughts as I keep reading and studying, if I can get through Freedom.  He keeps using big words.

And if you're missing my generally more light-hearted posts... don't worry, my next entry might be about poop.

Health Hubris

So, I used to be a little cocky about my super-stellar immune system. Which is a weird and annoying thing to boast about - I'm aware of it. Please just choose to find it endearing.

Anyway, I used to think I was essentially invincible to superfluous illnesses such as the common cold. I actually used to tease my husband when he would get panicky, after missing a few nights' sleep, feeling like he would "get sick". Ha! Getting sick was for mere mortals. (Are you wondering how someone can be married to me? Me too.)

Nope. I was just dumb. He was right. This fall (for lack of a better word to describe the beginning of the school year that has mostly seen weather in the 90s) I have chugged Emergen-C and TherFlu, Lysoled and hand-sanitized every surface within eyesight, and I have still managed to get sick three times. That is more than I normally get sick in a 1-2 year span.

No, this is not a urine sample.  It is TheraFlu in a Mason Jar.  Turns out, Sleep > TheraFlu. 

SLEEP. IS. IMPORTANT. Get enough of it. That's really all I can say about that. If you're young and married, like me, the best thing you can do to ensure that you're getting enough sleep is to take your birth control pill.

That's essentially been our week.  Mmm, and this baby in his winter hat.  (And so he's still a Halloween monster, so what?  Soon he'll be too big to ever wear this ensemble again...  sniff.)

I'm still ruminating over the chapters I've read about simplicity- hopefully I'll have something to share tomorrow.

As you head into the weekend, please keep the ACU community in your prayers, after the tragic bus accident that happened this afternoon. One student was killed and the other passengers are being treated for injuries. It is a terrifying thing to read about and imagine for the families and friends involved. It is especially on my heart tonight.

 

This picture was taken at the Prayer Vigil tonight on ACU's campus, by the Tower of Light.  Just when life becomes terrifying... it's so important to remember that

 

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous will enter, and they are

 

SAFE.

This November

Hello, November, we meet again.  Remember last year when I tried to write a novel during your short thirty days?  I got a few thousand words in when I found out about this guy:

... and thus devoted the rest of the month to morning sickness and its woes.

This year, I attempted to participate in NaNoWriMo again ... but gave up after 1 1/2 days.  (Yes, clever reader, this means I threw in the towel at about noon today.  The second day of November.  I'd even made concessions to myself and decided to write a graphic novel after reading Scott McCloud's Making Comics.  I know, I'm an incredible nerd but he writes FASCINATING books and I bet you'd want to be a comic artist, too, after reading one.)

I'm sick.  I have an infant.  I have no business trying to write a novel right now.  And don't bring up the fact that J.K. Rowling began writing the Harry Potter series in a cafe while she was a poor AND single mother.  (Oh, you weren't going to try and inspire me with that bit of Potter trivia?  Hmm.)

It seems like every time I feel like I'm on solid ground with this whole 'motherhood' thing (and by that I mean I have clean sheets on the bed again, I've got Knox adhering to a quasi-schedule, or I've successfully fixed my hair for school for two days in a row), then I'm suddenly covered in spit up, trying to close a thousand tiny snaps on infant's sleeper suit while said infant is wriggling and flailing his legs like he's trying to win the Tour de France. Bearings = lost. 

Still, I wouldn't trade this new, spit-up saturated world for any other.  Even if it meant lots more time for NaNoWriMo and fixing my hair in the mornings.  In all honesty, I'd probably just use that extra time for sleeping in, or this game I like to call Pinterest Pretend.  It's when I pin things and then pretend like I'm actually going to put those ideas into action.  Come to think of it, I think I saw a pin about that once...

One thing I WILL accomplish this November, though, is to explore the spiritual discipline of simplicity.  No, you didn't accidentally click on a link and land on someone else's blog.  While I was cleaning this past weekend (or whenever it was that I found all those recipes, remember?) I also found some papers that I'd written in college.  In one of them, I had been 'assigned' a spiritual discipline to research and practice, and I ended up with simplicity.  It really impacted me, but I could definitely use a refresher course.  (An item for your consideration: I bought eight pairs of eyeglasses last year from Zennioptical.com because I got a "good deal."  Eight.  Pairs.  It's like the Gaucho Pants Situation of 2006.  You'll understand later.) 

And I feel like November is a wonderful month to do this, because I think simplicity has a good deal to do with being thankful, joyful and content in the Lord.  In our society, I think we feel pressure to 'never be content'.  No, I don't think it - I know it and I see it every day.  I do understand the benefits of this mentality in that we might push ourselves to be the best versions of ourselves, but in the same way I think it can be a dangerous mindset: one that breeds materialism and a life defined by comparison.  If you're interested, I'd love to share how this experiment goes.  Be prepared, you may be challenged as well.  Or at least disgusted as I reveal how much time and money I've spent at Forever21.com. 

What a Dementor Might Sound Like

This is me today.  It's quite fitting that I sound like a zombie on Halloween.  Make that a zombie who smoked two packs a day for twenty years.  And was forced to have a laryngectomy.  Scary stuff.

Happy Halloween

I love that Koby and I both have jobs that encourage us to dress up.  Here I am as Harry Potter on Celebrity Day during Red Ribbon week, and Koby is a Rodeo Clown.  Explanation below.

Koby spent his week preparing his 3rd, 4th and 5th graders for the annual Clown Circus at the elementary school on Friday. It's a tradition and a big deal in town- the kids learn to juggle, jump rope, build human pyramids, and walk on barrels. (?!? Yeah, sounded dangerous to me, too). The parents come to watch the hour and a half performances. Needless to say, he's had entertainment on the brain. I tried to wake him up yesterday evening from a nap, and when he had halfway woken up, he looked at me and said

"Hula hoop?"

I laughed, and then may have egged him on a bit.

"Wh-Wh-where is the, where is the... Hula hoop?"

Poor guy. We're glad that's all over.

This boy didn't let being sick stop him from doing any of his favorite things this week.

Knox went to the doctor in Abilene on Thursday because he'd been throwing up more than normal and we wanted to make sure everything was okay. Koby took him in, which was awesome and sweet and ALSO gave me a chance to exercise my control issues (I still may have written down a list of things for koby to tell/ask the doctor). Of course, the next day Knox actually got sick- lost his voice, gassy and upset stomach, drainage, cough... the works. Why is it that when you take them in they're fine? Anyway, he's on some sort of baby antacid now, and hopefully it'll help. His voice is already back and his tummy does seem a bit more settled. My poor baby.

His worst night was probably Friday, which is when I was chaperoning (...is that a word?) the high school Halloween dance. (Thrills upon thrills.) A friend watched Knox while I watched my students do the stanky leg... It was probably not the best babysitting debut for Knox. You usually want your baby to be his normal angelic self the first time someone watches him.

 

Nana (my mom) came to visit for about an hour on her way back to austin from Lubbock, where she was visiting her mom. She got to see Knox's fox hat, which one of my very talented student made for him. And she brought the crib skirt she's been working on for Knox. It looks great! (Need a pic.)

Knox's first Halloween is almost over, which means it is completely acceptable for me to start listening to my Christmas music and watching Love Actually on loop. When do you think the Halloween candy will go on clearance? Because I should probably avoid stores until that business is all wrapped up.  I only just stopped myself from taking Knox trick-or-treating on Friday.  He's still drooling on himself - people would see right through me.

Share the pictures from your Halloweek!  Check out